I’ve been saying “I don’t know” a lot recently. I came across this guest essay in the New York Times in the middle of the night. I still don’t know and I could not get back to sleep.

From the “The West is Lost”

Loss has become a pervasive condition of life in Europe and America. It shapes the collective horizon more insistently than at any time since 1945, spilling into the mainstream of political, intellectual and everyday life. The question is no longer whether loss can be avoided but whether societies whose imagination is bound to “better” and “more” can learn to endure “less” and “worse.” 

This is my favorite picture of myself, though the image may be too telling.

It was a piece of cake job, if you ask me, a junket, especially as a break from the hot, dirty work of cutting fire lines.

I am sitting on the bank of Hot Creek at the foot of the Sierra Nevada, 10 miles or so from Mammoth, California. It is a bright day in 1972. I am marking fins, measuring lengths and weighing luminous brown trout that have just been netted from the stream after supposedly non-harmful electroshocking for a U.S. Fish and Wildlife survey.

I have a Thermos on the stream bank. I sip hot coffee between quick chores with the shining fish. I can absorb the view at the same time. The cold stream with thermal pockets runs through low brown hills below snow-topped peaks.

I don’t know who took the photo but I have managed to hang on to it. I still have the Thermos, too, though the glass inside broke when I took it to a Sierra Nevada reunion on another creek in 2012. I think I can still smell coffee and sunlight is glancing off the water.